Glitterbye

So last night I thought it would be a brilliant idea to change my alarm from 6:30 to 5:30. Give me time to get up..make coffee, shower and eff

Sure he looks innocent now..

around online right? Well sure as shit my alarm goes off this morning and I blearily reach for it and wonder WHY the hell I am

dead tired. Brain…half…functioning…after a few minutes it clicked that it was 5:30. I reset the alarm for 6:30 and crashed…so much for my

brilliant plan. Only…instead of ACTUALLY crashing I tossed and turned and fended off Kol who

wanted nothing more than to rouse me with kitty head butts.

So finally my alarm goes off again at 6:30 and I lay there until 6:45 (when i have to be showered and out the door by 7, mind you). So then I am rushing. Shower, hair, makeup..no time to let the dog out or feed the animals…will have to wait until lunch at 10:30. Get to work all run down, boss is cold…coffee, two hardboiled eggs and a cheese slice…yay! At this point I pop a headphone in and listen to NPR streaming on XM. Work work work…screw up…spend 30 minutes fixing said screw up. Mention boss’s coldness with no response. Work work work. 10 minute break….tuna and crackers…work work work. Lunchtime…rush home and throw some pasta in the micro. Let it cook, fire up the computer…let the dog up while waiting for both and feed dog and cats. Grab food, plop at computer…check social sites while nomming pasta….then have another bowl of pasta.

I think I'm in love!

Run out the door back to work.

By noon I am dragging again. I mention to a co-worker I wish I had gotten Starbucks and as if by magic…he shows up with a quad expresso. I down 1/3 the expresso and start sweating from caffeine overload (which I am used to at this point). So I am awake, but fanning myself like a smoking old housewife in the summer.

Turn on my “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” Audio book on my iphone (60% done yeah!) and start to immerse myself in a stupor of computer screen and slaves and a little blonde girl. work work work. 2pm…10 minute break. I have cheese and almonds. At this point I think it witty to bring said coffee co-worker some almonds and cheese (as this has somehow become code for “boobs”…long story). I bring them to him and silently drop them in his hand. He responds “cheese and almonds! How did you know this was my favorite!?” I smile and wander away…pleased with our little inside joke.

Back into the office..work work work. I get to a heartwrenching part in my audiobook and I am tearing up..intent on listening as I plug away mindlessly on the computer. THIS is the time my boss decides to be chatty. “So this black cat showed up to my house…” *pause audio book and chat about said cat*….silence after the story *turn back on audiobook*….yeah and we are looking at cars today…*pause audiobook, talk about cars until said subject seem sufficiently spoken about*….silence….silence…silence *turn on audio…..”yeah and i’m leaving at 3pm…to go look at cars”…

At this point it’s about 2:15 so I decide it best to just stop listening to the book for a while as she is leaving in 45 minutes anyways….a silent 45 minutes later she finally packs up and leaves. *headphones back on* But by now the moment has passed.

Nows here where I should add a cliffnote. I have been wandering aimlessly in the world of “WTF RELIGION”land. I don’t know what I believe or who i believe in. So I am “studying” different things. First it was paganism. I took free classes on crystals, tree of life, herbology, wicca, tarot etc etc. Last Sunday I went to church, just to try it out. I felt out of place but decided I will give it a go on easter sunday as well.

So back to my story. The next audiobook I decide to try is The Bible. So I click it on and listen…lots of old english and this person begat this person and like 987 years and this person be…well you get the picture. I emailed my coffee coworkerfriend (him being of the religious sort) and told him I was reading the bible. Now he knows I have been “wandering”…so he asks me WHY I am reading it and what my intentions were and I can’t just read it, but that it involves practice as well. This…pissed…me…off. Regardless of free coffee and boob almonds, he was suddenly on my shit list. I fired back a heated letter “informing” him I was studying different religions and who was he to tell people how to believe. Well him seeing the error in how he worded it and knowing I tend to favor fits of passions…he backed off. My mind was all angry and seething…so I didn’t really retain the book after that.

om nom nom nom

Yes Please.

Finally…time to go home. Stopped by the grocery store while hunting on my iphone for something that lookedgood for dinner (I found 3 other things that looked good at the store ). I decided to go with Cherry chicken lettuce wraps. Lots of cutting and dirty dishes but SO GOOD.

Yeah so cleanup sucked but kitchen is clean and now I am tired of typing. Time to take ambien and veg. Night!

Wow, ok…so 3 months. I suck at this consistency thing.

Not much to report. Still working at the same place. Now 3 classes away from my associates…I’m excited but apprehensive about that. So close to something tangible it scares me.

• Had a couple of short lived relationships, most of which are now friends…despite one who was a total douche.

• Updated my pic albums.
( http://glitterbye.com/wordpress/photos/ )

• Looking into religion of some kind. Even if just to research…knowledge is good.

• Trying to cook healthy at home more.

• Went to the gym yesterday…got a pinched nerve and going to hold of of that for a couple days.

Broke my manbbatical before xmas. I think I did it cause I was lonely, clearly it was a bad idea. So right now I am just kind of taking things as they come. I am seeing people here and there but nothing serious right now.

Been scatterbrained lately, house is a mess, missed homework. Felt yucky this morning. PMS’ing off of the birth control is way worse than on it. I hope things balance out soon, this spaceyness sucks.

Curled up on the couch cause I feel like shit

“No wonder your stepdad hits you..”
For some reason this keeps running through my head today. It was said by my dad to me when I was a sophomore…he was drunk and angry at my smug smile. I smiled because I didn’t know what else to do, the dog had got out, I had chased him all around town and I knew he would be back eventually…so after 30 mins of chasing him, I gave up and flopped into a seat in the backyard. My dad was furious and got in my face and told me to go get him, his aggressiveness which was rare and surprising caught me off guard and my defense was to…just smile. I didn’t know what else to do. And, not getting the reaction he wanted, he said something he knew would hurt…and it did. But I smiled through it…and sobbed later.
Another thing that keeps running through my head it “you need to stop blaming other people for your problems”.. this was said to me by my mom when I said I had crappy taste in men and pick men who are obviously broken, because that’s what I relate to in a male figure. I said she did the same thing by marrying my stepdad…then allowed him to get away with hitting me for 10 years. It’s a cycle, she never had a positive male in her life either.
So what do I do with this…with these little bits of people not acting like adults my whole life then expecting me to be a fully functional non broken adult myself? It’s impossible! I am trying to fix my issues, but part of that is figuring out their origins…and people are very protective of their skeletons. I am starting to realize I CAN have standards in people I want to be with and I am allowed to INSIST these standards be met. I am worth more than being used or getting only a fraction or what I expect. I know what I want and I will wait to get it if I need to , because I deserve the best, regardless of what other people think.

Felt accomplished yesterday. Cleaned the tub, went for a bike ride with Wyatt and Dan and did homework. Ended up being able to buy a shirt NOT from the fat section, that excited me. Pics below!

Went up to Tahoe tonight to babysit Abby so Mary and JD could have a date night. They are only up here for the weekend so they wanted to make the best of it. Not getting to see them enough and having them only 45 mins away I said yes. Got to spend some quality alone time with Abby who was, unfortunately, coming down with a cold so she sounded all croaky and sad. She was excited about the Dr suess gift and stuffed toy I got her. We named it “Cornelius” so all night she ran around asking me to talk for him.

The mountains are beautiful today. I took some pics! Woke up at 2am, I am so tired my eye is twitching!

I am happy. Happy and busy.
New things on the horizon that I am excited about.
That is all for now.

Had lots to do today and unlimited time in which to do it, therefore most of the day was spent…procrastinating. It’s 7:39 pm and cleaning has yet to be done and I JUST finished my final. 15 PPT slides of Geological goodness. New class starts tomorrow, Humanities….never ends! But only 4 more classes after this and I will have a crisp fancy associates degree to show for it. With this degree I can substitute at some point in time when I feel I am financially stable enough to do so. I just wanna be done at this point. Then I can breathe and decide what I want to do next and how I will obtain my bachelors. I prefer a real college but that would require either a part time job or a spouse that wants to support me through school hehehe. Seeing as marriage isn’t in my immediate future, it might just be move in with a roomate and try out night school for a while. But not until a well needed break is had.

Now to turn in this final, take my ambien and get to the cleaning I was going to do tonight. I still have 2 hours till bedtime…off to it I go!