Glitterbye

I feel like craopla today. I took a sick day yesterday cause my whole body was burning up. I felt like I had a sunburn. Today I still feel warm and I am dizzy. It comes and goes. I dunno what kind of sickness involves a lack of sniffles or stuffyness but it sucks….i dont like running into walls!

Also, I need to go through and delete some of my links…it’s been a while and alot of the pages go to dead links…whats up with that! I have had Glitterbye for like 7 years now….I am so proud. :)

So I have been thinking alot about getting another tattoo. I knew after my first one and how much it meant to me, that I would want to get one on the back of my neck to represent my sign…scorpio. I have been hunting online for something that strikes me..but have yet to find anything.

I want to get the “M” looking symbol for scorpio but I want it to be girly and maybe incorporate flowers or something. Nothing I have found has tugged at me yet. It has to be small and clear but elegant as well.

So this whole non dating thing is going well for me. I am looking at things differently…at guys differently. Before, guys were all potential dates and I felt restrained and guraded. Now, no one is a potential date…no one has the possibility of hurting me…so I am happier and less guarded. I wanna do more things. I can be myself and it’s a new feeling for me.

The only downside to this whole thing is snuggling. I am a snuggler, I need touch. I am hurting for a good snuggle…I haven’t quite figured out this aspect of my non-datingness.

I still need to clean my house. I have been so exhausted when I get home that I just veg then I get all stressed cause my house is a mess. I started on it last night then went to check my email and John called me so I gave up…he seems to always call at the perfect times ;)

So Dan and I haven’t talked since Wednesday. everything was going great. No fights, no problems…then he blindsides me with a “I think I need a break from us” and uses some excuse about what I do and don’t want in the future. He is making up stuff in his head and freaking out over it. The non talking time has given me time to think…eat ice cream..cry…and read a few breakup books. I have decided that when he calls I am going to ask him if he is willing to work on this relationship with me. If I get any answer other then yes…then it’s not worth me fighting it alone and I am giving up. I love him more than I have ever loved any other man in my life but if he doesn’t love me back then it’s not a relationship.

So it’s 1am and I cant sleep. Not because I am in pain but because i took 2 percocet so I didnt want to take my Ambien. I am comfortable though, I was able to find a comfy sleeping position and I dont have to be up for anything so not sleeping is ok at this point.

The surgery went smoothly. Erin and her husband helped me stay up till 2 yesterday so I could sleep through the day of fasting today. Erin also helped me clean my house so I didnt have to come home to a mess. She was an amazing friend throughout this whole ordeal and I dont know what I would have done without her.

I woke up about 10:30 and got online. I txted her about 11am and she got here about 11:30-12:00. We threw some clothes in the wash so I would have clean clothes and then proceeded to the pool where we swam and sunbathed till 1:45.

We then grabbed the clothes and went and got dressed and went to the hospital. My check in time was 2:15. My surgery was scheduled for 3:30. They got me all checked in and brought me back to this little room with a reclining chair. They got me in a gown and socks and hooked me up to an IV. They put it in the top of my hand which actually kind of hurt! They pumped me full of fluids and antibiotics (to help with healing). Then the anestheologist came in (he was cute!) and went over his job and asked me some paperwork questions then Dr Knolls, the dr doing my surgery, came in and asked me if I had any questions. I told him I didnt and they both left.

Then the nurse gave me what she called “happy juice”, Erin called it a “cocktail”. The nurse then put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me to the operating room. I was pretty loopy by the time I got there. I asked one of the guys there if he could take a picture of my gall bladder, he said he would try. Then the anesthesiologist put the mask on me..he said it was oxygen. I remember it falling off and him saying “lets try this again”..then they must have put knock out stuff in my IV cause thats all I remember.

I woke up and my stomache and back were killing me and my mouth and throat were agonizingly dry. The nurse took my vitals and brought me some water then they went and got Erin. She came in and sat with me, I was so uncomfortable. After drinking 2 cups of water I felt like I was going to puke so the nurse gave me a barf bag and some anti-nausea stuff in my IV. They ended up moving me back to the recliner which was much more comfortable than the gurney. I was still soooo tired from the meds that I could hardly keep my eyes open. Erin kept trying to talk to me and I had a hard time talking back. My tongue was sticking to my mouth because it was so dry and I was so tired I was having a hard time forming lucid thoughts.

The nurce came in and brought me the precription for the percocet and and Erin took off to walmart to put it in for me. While she was gone I kind of closed my eyes and was in this not-alseep-not fully-awake stuper. I could hear everyone talking but was afraid someone was going to come in ans ask me questions so I couldnt doze off. Eventually Erin came back and I felt bad so I tried to stay awake…but my eyes were fighting me. The nurse came in and asked me how I was doing. I told her I was tired and she said that my blood suger was just low from not eating all day and she brought me an apple juice….which didnt help. Eventually I became lucid enough to get dressed and Erin brought the car around and I was wheeled to the front.

We got to my house at about 7:30. My mouth and through were still horribly dry and water didnt seem to help. I did end up throwing up the 3 cups of water and apple juice while erin watched. I felt really embarressed (i’m not a public puker) so I told her I was ok and she could go. She was hungry and needed to bring dinner to her man, I didnt want to hold her hostage any longer. I ended up just flopping on the couch and went back into that half sleep/awake stupor until about 9:30, then I went and layed in bed till now.

I am doing ok, my mouth finally watered up some but my throat is still scratchy. I have a dull pain but nothing too bad. I have 3 incisions in my stomache. One in my belly button, and 2 above it in a line.

I cant thank Erin enough for being here for me. She helped me stay up, helped me clean, brought me to the hospital and waited in the waiting room. Then she waited by my side as I was all loopy and whiney..she got my drugs and drove me home. She was pretty much my rock all day and I dont know what I would have done without her. She is a wonderful friend. Thank you Erin.

Now for some pics:

Erin and I at the pool undergoing my pre-op routine

Waiting to be called to surgery (a little nervous)

So my surgery is going to be next thurs(12th) at 2:45. They will keep me till about 5-ish then I have to be driven home. I will be missing the 2nd day of my new spanish class…I will have to talk to the teacher when I start the first class Monday.

My court thingie went crappy, he only reduced my ticked from 100 bucks to 67 bucks when people before me with revoked licenses and expired registrations were getting warnings. Crapola.

My mind is wirring from everything today, i need a moment to settle…but i have work..then choir rehersal till 9pm.

Oh btw, anyone who lives in carson area who is free sunday afternoon at 4 there is a free concert at the governers mansion (i have a solo!) So I would love it if you came. It’s called Pops in the Park.  

So I go to court today at 11:15 to fight the 100$ ticket I got for VEERING on a sharp curve. I am nervous, only because I have never set foot inside a court room. I’m hoping the judge will at least reduce it down to something less horrible then $100. wish me luck!

So I went to the surgical consult today. He sat down with me and asked me about my pain, where it was at..etc etc. He explained where my gall bladder was at and what it does then we decided to just go ahead and move forward with the surgery.

I got a packet of stuff to read and a surgical scheduler is going to call me with a date and time to make sure it’ll work for me…I asked for a friday so I could have the weekend.

Now it’s hitting me that I am really doing this and I am a little scared.

 So I had the HIDA Scan done on friday so they could see my gall bladder with contrast and see how well it’s contracting. Well the guy said he would have it to my dr’s office by monday. So yesterday at 2:30 I called them and she said she would give a msg to the nurse to call me. They never called.So today at 10:30 i called them again and said no one had called me and i was still waiting for results. She said she would find out and call me near the end of the day. 10 mins later she calls me back and tells me they havent gotten the results yet. So then -I- call the radiology place at the hospital and ask them why there were no results yet. The lady looked up my name and said the results were in and that my dr’s office would just have to call and they would fax it.

So I called my drs office back, gave them the and told them the results were in and to call them. 5 minutes later I get a call. The lady says “Your gall bladder is bad and needs to come out”. Pretty straightforward to me. So I tell people that its my gallbladder and it needs to come out. So she says she will schedule a consult with the surgeon.

So then about an hour ago I get a call from the consult place. She says the dr will talk to me, look at my xrays and poke around to see if it’s fine or I need to get it out. So now i’m like “IF I need to get it out?”. She says “yeah, he will look at everything”.

So now i dont know WHAT the hell is going on. I was all excited that it was certainly my gall bladder and a simple surgery would get it out, but now everything is unknown again until I get this stupid consult tomorrow =(

Oh and I go to court to fight the ticket I got for “veering into a center lane” on a sharp curve on Thurs. 100 bucks for veering? Rediculous!

So, alot has happened since my last post. I update my myspace daily but forget my website.

In the past 2 months Shawn and I broke up, i got really sick with some weird intestinal thing and am undergoing tests and cat scans to see if its my gall bladder. Dan and I started being friends again and the feelings rushed back for both of us so we are trying a relationship again as of this weekend. Also, I got a tattoo!

The butterfly honors my dad and the symbols honor my birthplace, Japan, and mean Inner Strength in simple terms. Inner-strength that applies to a person who has will-power and can inspire themselves to do great things.